What Am I Supposed to Learn From Trials & Tests?

(This was originally written on January 11, 2009)

Since last March (2008) when Malachi our second prematurely born son was born I wondered what the point of another test or trial was all about. I questioned what the point of the lesson was beyond what I have already learned from Jordan’s premature birth and death just a few years prior. Many of my family and friends also made similar comments as we went through the victories and defeats of Malachi’s struggle for 5 months. Then the happy homecoming turned sad farewell in a brief moment of a week. As Christ-followers we are taught to not ask “Why?” but ask “What?” as in “What I can learn from this tragedy?”

So, the question that was hounding me for the last few months until recently was “what am I supposed to learn from trials and tests of life?” After all I witnessed God’s hand at work in Jordan’s life for the 15 months that he was with us. While I cannot compare the two tragedies as they are different, I would say that through Jordan I learned my trust in Christ was a well placed trust. Through it all, I can honestly say that even after Jordan’s death I can still say that God is a merciful and compassionate God.

However, when Malachi came along last March (on Good Friday as a matter of fact) I must be honest in saying that I was disappointed with God. I even told Him that I was. After all I/we did learn my/our lesson with Jordan. We took precautionary measures during Annette’s pregnancy by doing a weekly ultrasound since her 20th week of gestation… and yet, at the 24th week, God allowed Malachi to come into this world. I remember thinking that things “should” not get worse but better (Jordan was born in the 26th week of gestation). I felt that God was obligated… no He owed me a healthy son after Jordan– because I HAVE learned my lesson to place my trust in Him. After all Abraham GOT to keep his son Issac after his testing. “Where is my ram?!” I demanded.

While I have not visited The Shack yet to find God (I don’t even have a shed), I KNOW He is not sitting there in a dingy shack and patiently waiting for me to come to Him. He was active in seeking me and revealing Himself… through His people. He was in the hospital, He was in my neighborhood, He was in the hearts of His people. In the pursuing months after my initial disappointment I relented. I worked through it to the point I had to ultimately surrender and say to God, “I don’t understand it but I will submit to Your will. Your will be done.” Nevertheless, I still struggled with what it is that I am supposed to learn from all this.

Then shortly after Malachi’s untimely death in August, I don’t remember how long after, I came to the realization that there is NO specific lesson to learn from this trial… and it is okay! (Take note that I am not saying it was without purpose). I suppose you can say that in itself is a lesson, in a convoluted way, but I was referring to a specific lesson that teaches me the character or attribute of God. I truly did not learn anymore about God than what I already learned before… and that is truly the point of trials and tests, as the thought took shape and formed completely in a recent correspondence with a friend. I wrote that just as tests in school was not designed to teach me a lesson but to reveal how much I LEARNED during class time, God’s tests are designed to REVEAL what I truly believe (the HEART) about His character based on the years of knowledge accumulation (the HEAD). After all my BELIEF about God shapes how I THINK, in turn affects the way I FEEL, which ultimately manifests in the way I ACT. Our actions always follow what we truly believe. The toughest road to travel is the road from the head to the heart.

Therefore trials and tests reveals my BELIEF, or in most cases UNBELIEF. In my disappointment with God (in this case it was both a FEELing and an ACTion) in effect what I was saying was that even though intellectually I know God is JUST, I really don’t BELIEVE He is because I got a raw deal, twice.

We have been doing a verse-by-verse study of the Book of James for the last year. Furthermore my pastor started an in-depth expository look into the same book last Sunday and for the next several Sundays. James wrote in the beginning of the first chapter, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” (James 1:2-3). So the ultimate goal of trials is to produce endurance. That is what trials and tests do, they reveal what we truly believe. They serve to reinforce the right beliefs and offers opportunity to correct the unbeliefs. (Beliefs always ends in the character or attribute of God, i.e., who God is).

Ultimately tests produces endurance over any and all circumstances. It affects how I view my world and how I am to act through my belief about God. Is God not sovereign and compassionate and just? Since He is all that and more then I can rest and have peace in midst of the storms of life. No, this is not a license to have a flippant and cavalier attitude towards trials and tests. It is quite the opposite. It is saying that even though the world is weighing me down, I WILL trust the Lord to take my burdens and walk with me step by step along the way until we reach Zion in this pilgrimage… where I can finally rest and play with my boys, something that has been postponed in this present world.

Yes, that is what I am supposed to do with trials and tests.